My Grampa is about to turn ninety-six
Hey Grampa what's in your bag of tricks?
He'd probably tell you the way not to lose
Is to have a daily sip of booze
So I'm gonna buy him a bottle of Aquavit
And a salty snack or two to eat
And we'll sit at the kitchen table and converse
Politics and religion and the whole universe
I like pumpkins
And flickering light
And jack-o-lanterns
And bumps in the night
I bought a can of pumpkin
Yesterday at the store
I'll put the pumpkin in some muffins
It's time for pumpkin galore
Cuz it's that time of year
If you know what I mean
It’s time to decorate your front porch
With some halloween
When I was growing up
My mom decorated all the time
For every season and holiday
Our home became a brand new shrine
So get out your cobwebs
And old corn broom
And stand on your front porch
And howl at the moon
This is the time to do it
And no one will call you crazy
In fact, I say if you don’t,
I’ll just call you lazy!
Oh god oh god oh god
It's 8:35am and I haven't got a rhyme
I was reading reviews of The Joker
And I lost track of time
I'm gonna go see that movie
Which for me is kinda strange
I've never been to the Duluth Cinema
And it's time to make a change
I never go see movies
It's just not something I think to do
I've lived here for fifteen years
And have never been, it's true!
The Joker has bad reviews
From Academics who are jaded
And me, sometimes I love to love
The things that are so hated
Here are some of the publications
that wrote scathing reviews of the film:
The Guardian
The New Yorker
Wall Street Journal
Slate
New York Times
NPR
Associated Press
Boston Globe
CNN
Chicago Tribune
Newsday
The Atlantic
Washington Post
BBC
So the bad reviews in a nutshell is one reason why I gotta see the film.
The second reason is Joaquin Phoenix.
Red rover, red rover
Send a good luck charm over
I need to make a wish
I need a four leaf clover
I'm gonna wish for a muse
A source of endless inspiration
Something to make it easy
And stop this perspiration
But in the meantime
It's just to keep on truckin'
Even when all the work I do
Just keeps on suckin'
(ps I just spilled an entire giant coffee cup of coffee on the sofa)
It's the month of October
Of witches ghosts and bats
And silly cartoon costumes
And flannel shirts and hats
And also weird little villains
Little gremlins and evil doers
And little creatures who are crawling
Out from all the sewers
Cuz Macey's van was stolen
Right in front of her place
And not only that
They took off in front of her face!
She chased after them down the street
But of course they got out of sight
What the holy hell
This happened just last night
So if you see a Honda Odyssey
Which is a dark red van
With a nub for a passenger mirror
Report it as soon as you can!
Dark Red Honda Odyssey with a plastic nub for passenger mirror. Stolen around 11th block E 4th Street Duluth at about 9pm Thursday night.
Here is a list of
Interesting stuff found in my tip jar
in the last two months:
Two charms, a turtle and a frog,
A rose made from a cocktail napkin,
A drawing of a girl’s face
(which was signed by two middle-schoolers),
Two origami dollar-bill-frogs,
Two gold dollar coins,
A colorful painted stone,
A fifty dollar bill,
And a wooden nickel
My tip jar is a treasure chest
A fountain of fun things
A fortune which is bestowed
Just cuz I play guitar and sings
I have a bunch of gigs this week
Playing guitar and singing covers
And I'm finishing up some paintings
With black lines and bold colors
And I'm recording a couple tunes
That will be mixed by someone else
Cuz I'll waste about a thousand hours
If I try to mix all by myself
It's good to have somebody
Another set of ears or eyes
Who help to see the bigger picture
Which I often cannot recognize
Also I'm taking suggestions
For songs you'd like to hear
Me to sing in my covers set
While you listen and drink beer
I need those requests in advance
So that I can figure out the chords and key
And I need to print out the lyrics
So I have them in front of me
There, now I told you
What I've got going on
Don't you feel special
Or am I making you yawn?
Now that I think about it, maybe I could actually do this song.
I am moving to Legoland
At least that's what I told my little niece
When I talked to her on the phone
Early this morning
She did not believe me
I told her that they are building me
a lego castle and that she can come visit
And that my other niece, her cousin,
Will be visiting me
And we will eat crumpets and drink tea
And put on our own talk show
called Good Morning America
Anyway. The first niece was unimpressed.
I realize this poem does not rhyme
But I am strapped for time
It's October 15th
And being a professional procrastinator
I filed an extension
And taxes are due today
So, if you could please put your hands together
And pray for me
(The reason I was chatting with my niece
When I should have been doing my taxes
Is cuz my dad is at my niece’s home right now
And I called him because
he is an accountant
And I need help, you see)
Roses are red
The sky is blue
I kinda freak out
When taxes are due
