Shari Elf Part 2

So yesterday I introduced you to Shari Elf
Here's another song she wrote called I Like Myself
A couple more things about her I'd like to tell
In case haven't yet fallen under her magic spell

She lives out in the desert in Californ-I-A
And runs the world famous museum of crochet
A collection of not just dollies, doilies, and hats
But crocheted tacos, pumpkins, alligators, and cats

She's also involved with the gallery Art Queen
But she IS the art queen if ya know what I mean
I've never met her or her crocheted friend, Bunny
But if i make it out there I'll give her all my money

She makes super sweet art all out of trash
And if you like her stuff, you should give her your cash!
She's made so much stuff that I'd like to own
She even invented a new and improved iphone

Shari Elf is not super famous yet
But she will be someday, I really do bet
She doesn't have a facebook but has an instagram
Matt Groening, do you know him? He's also a fan

So that's all I got, hope this is enough
Hope I've convinced you to love Shari & buy all her stuff
She’s gonna need that money for her presidential campaign
Or I guess we could all just write in her name

Shari Elf for President!

Ode to Shari Elf - Part 1

Once upon a time, 
I had a giant art project due
And I worked around the clock
and needed something interesting
to listen to

So I popped in a CD
That for months I'd been ignoring
Thinking that it might be kinda bad 
or kinda boring
and wouldn't you know to my great relief
this CD knocked my socks off
and knocked me off my feet

I had gotten the album in question from Karolyn C
Who lives in my apartment three floors below me
I lovingly refer to her as the crazy cat lady 
And I'm so excited to tell you of this CD that she gave* me

On the cover is a lady wearing a pink gown
and on top of her head is a tin can crown
The name of the album is pretty great, too
It's called, "I'm Forcing Goodness Upon You"

”Tenderness Versus Watering the Lawn Backwards”
Was the first song to hit my ears
And holy smokes I was thinking hey, Shari Elf!
Where you been all these years!?

I had a scissors and some glue and was cutting up some art
And the voice of Shari Elf totally stole my heart
It’s not just that song that blew my mind
I was like OMG what IS this? It is quite the find!

The gems kept coming, yes there were several more
Like “Happy World” and “Jesus at the Hardware Store”
The impact of this album on me is so great
Its importance in my life I cannot understate

* Karolyn did not give me the CD, she loaned it to me. Five years ago . . . .

Shari Elf

Little Ditty

Here kitty kitty
Today's poem is itty bitty
I hope you don't mind 
This sad little ditty

I've spent all morning
Fumbling over a rhyme
That I will not post today
Because I need a bit more time

So I'd like to divert your attention
To yesterday's Tuesday Tunesday song
There's enough words o' rhyme in that
To last the whole day long

Christmas Proposal

I would like to make a proposal 
That we push Christmas back 
By one month
My feelings on this are quite strong
I just think that it comes too quick
And the winter is so long

The darkness descends in November 
And only one month later 
There's this huge splashy circus 
Of lights and songs and merriment and cheer
Santa and baby Jesus, the angels, and the reindeer

Could we just please push 
The whole thing back by thirty days
So that it occurs on January the twenty fifth
A bright little gift after suffering winter's haze

Yes I would like to muddle through
The darkness of winter
A little bit longer before the circus comes to town 
To warm our little lonesome hearts
And turn our frowns upside down

Unless of course you're one of those people
Who hates the whole thing
Then you probably want to get it over with 
As soon as possible. I understand. 
I get it.

However, for this proposal 
I'm gonna go head and assume
That all agree with me in that
the Holidays are the high point
of winter

And thus, 

Considering the Golden Ratio and
The Fibonacci sequence and whatnot, 

Wouldn't it be much more aesthetic 
To have the arc of winter
Curve with its peak on Christmas Day 
Which would be about 2/3rds 
Of the way through winter
And thus, in Duluth, would be May

The initial proposal was Christmas in January. Christmas in May does seem a bit extreme for most of the world. Except, like I said, in Duluth, where I’m not sure if the winter has an actual end point. July, maybe.

The Lost Rhymes

Sometimes rhymes come to me
As I'm lying* in bed
Whole stanzas of rhyme
But I then drift on into sleep
And those rhymes are lost forever
I wish I could just unleash them
By pulling some magic lever
Whenever the heck I want

But maybe it is better this way 
Maybe those rhymes,
Lost to the dream world,
As a result of my laziness
In not getting up to write them down,
Maybe those rhymes are not lost at all
Maybe they'll come back to me
Like maybe next fall

And then maybe they'll be
In much better form
Cuz they've been thru the wringer
The wringer of suppressed
Thoughts and dreams
Of nightmares and schemes 
Squashed and suffocated
In the murky waters of
Bad habits' poison streams

And then since those rhymes
Have now been through hell
They'll come out much stronger
With a wiser story to tell

Inge, you are being dramatic. 

These lost rhymes that you speak of
Are probably stupid and
It's good that they're gone,
Never to return.
They're just bad letters, bad ideas,
That you should pile up and burn
Nothing good from them will emerge
Like half the crap you keep in boxes
In your apartment
Maybe it's time to do a purge!

*lying or laying? I’ll never know. I’m a rhyming machine, not a grammar queen.

What To Do?

Here's some topics you can expect to read about in my rhymes this week: 

I'm gonna tell you about an artist 
Who's last name is Elf
I'm gonna show you some of the books 
I have upon my shelf

I'm gonna talk about some art
That I made back in the day
And I'll tell you about some songs
That I really love to play

This rhyme is short 
But will have to be enough
Cuz I've got my fingers wrapped up
In a bunch of other stuff

I've ripped my place to shreds
In an effort to clean my space
It gets worse before it gets better
At least that always seems the case

Accurate rendering.

Winter has Begun

Winter has begun in old Duluth
And it's gonna be here for half a year
The roofs are covered in gingerbread frosting
White knuckled driving on the roads is exhausting

The hills seem steeper than ever
Some roads have to be blocked off
Like the infamous North Lake Avenue
Don't even attempt it, you'll be mad if you do

I’m gonna live this winter like I’ve done before
Holed up inside the closet of my apartment
To record some tunes that I’m excited to share
Songs of happiness, longing, joy, and despair

Blue Velvet Chaise

A couple weeks ago I started a mad search 
To find the perfect antique chaise lounge
And lo and behold, in just a short time, 
My perfect chaise was found

But it was way out of my price range 
And so what did I do?

I said, 

I'll take that ugly thing off your hands
For less than half your asking price
And they said sure why not
That would be quite nice

But I got the thing home 
And was surprised to discover
It stinks to high heaven 
So of course I consult my mother

And she says to buy some bags
Of somethin called activated charcoal
And to place them on the chaise, 
No more stink being the goal

And so now I patiently await 
To uncover my dream chair
Oh my tufted blue velvet, 
Please don't stank up the air

there it is, it all its stanky glory.