The Dinosaurs Were A Disappointment

Wouldn't it be funny 
If the dinosaurs had kept diaries
About their daily drama 
Their daily news
About their hopes and desires
And their political views

I think we can all agree
That would be an entertaining read
And it's a shame they couldn't
Accomplish that simple deed

IN THE 100 PLUS MILLION YEARS THEY WERE HERE

You would think that
That would be enough time
But no, they couldn't figure it out

Wait

Maybe they conducted
a system of communication 
that we just can't see
that we just haven't discovered yet
something like, in another dimension, 
or something that requires some weird
magnetic subatomic force field
technology or who knows what. 

I certainly don't know what. 

All I know is,

They could have been etching out
Some haikus on stones
But instead all they left us
Was a bunch of bones

The headache blues

my head is pounding
inside it's sounding
like a giant boom
so i'm in my room
trying to sleep

it’s the third day in a row
of this awful curse
And today it seems
The throbbing is the worst

So i need some well wishes
from you, my lovely reader
cuz tonight i have a gig
over at the Cedar

A Little Secret

In the mornings 
when I was a young teen
My parents treated me 
like a queen
Every morning was the same
The same funny routine

Either mom or dad
would come to break the news
that it was time to get up
but i would always refuse

And so they began 
bringing me coffee in a cup
My dad he would holler
TOE! TIME TO GET UP!

Yeah, you heard that right
My dad would call me Toe. 
Now, I'm not sure if this
Is something I want you to know

But there it is! 

Toe is the short form for Big Toe
Cuz apparently my dad thought
I had an extra big toe?
I'm looking at it right now
and it looks pretty normal to me.
Ok, maybe it's a little bigger
than normal. Oh, God

So I've told you a little secret 
And I need you not to share
If this news gets out to the world
The shame I couldn't possibly bear

The Duluth Ditty Bag

In the laundry room of my building
You can take a book, leave a book
It's is a community book swap
And look at the prize that I just took

It's the Duluth Ditty Bag
And it's the best thing I ever found
Songs about the Zenith City
I wonder how these songs sound

It contains a couple solo piano pieces
And a song called Duluth M-I-Double-N
There's a song about the Edmund Fitzgerald
Which is a sad tale called Twenty-Nine Men

A few more notable titles include:

Duluth Tobaggan Club Song
Duluth's A Hustling City
Arrowhead MInnesota So Fair
Scandinavian Hotshot
Arrowhead Moon
Tarpaper Shack
The Ballad Of Tommy Woodgate
Air-Conditioned City

And of course the hit of the century

"Christmas City"
(the most famous little ditty)

Coconut Ginger Death Trap

Once upon a time
Three weeks ago to be precise, 
I went to the coop 
To buy something nice

I wanted to buy some shampoo
Something that smelled restorative and fresh
Something that would motivate and inspire 
Me to live my best life and do my best

In an effort to try something other than Tea Tree,
I purchased a ginormous tub of something
Scented with coconut and ginger, thinking, 
Wow, I love coconut and I love spice, 
My showers are now gonna be really, really nice!

Let me tell you, 

IT IS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE I EVER MADE

It now smells like I'm showering in a 
Musty, wet bakery that makes gingerbread 
Cookies out of 30-year-old stale easy-bake-oven 
Mixes that contain little bugs and dust and dirt

This causes me pain 
This causes me hurt
Every pump from that giant oversized bottle
Every oozing brown squirt

Shower-time is now depressing and sad
These are the worst showers I've ever had
All because I wanted
to try something other than tea tree
Oh, sweet loving tea tree
I will never again forsake thee

Next Year's Christmas

Coventry Carols for the Disenchanted 
Is an album I have begun to write
it’s a collection of original Christmas songs
I got the idea just last night

It’s inspired by the sad story
Of the evil king Herod the Great
As described in one of the gospels
But I can’t tell you now, you’ll have to wait

The album won't be ready until next year
I know, i know, you're on the floor crying
You want my Christmas album now
Ten copies you'll be buying (thank you!)

Floor Tom

I began painting a floor tom
With plans of a wicked cool design
Cuz someone left this drum here
Years ago and now it's mine

Right now I've got the silver bits
All taped up and it looks like shit
But it will look super rad
When I am finished with it

At least I hope

There's this part when I am painting
Where the thing I'm making is a giant mess
And it all comes together in the last second
In the final part of the process

Right now the drum is a pukey pink
But I'll also add some red
And then my trademark black line
And goofy humanoids in my head

Gosh that's two poems two days in a row
Where I mention red and pink
And now I'm doing what I always say I do
Which is to say I overthink 

Anyways, one of you is gonna have to
Buy this drum from me
When It's all finished being painted
It'll be worth a lot someday, you'll see!

So far I’ve just painted over the faux wood veneer.

Hot Pink

It's Saturday morning
And today the rising sun
Was showing off a bit
And having some hot pink fun

And then as fast as it appeared
The sky became flat and gray 
And I'm like, hey, that often happens
To me throughout a day

Yeah, I’ll wake up in the morning
On the right side of the bed
Excited for a bunch of stuff to do
Exploding gold and pink and purple-red

But then as the day wears on
I taper into the dull mundane
The afternoon slips into monotone 
The evening is just the same

And as bedtime approaches
As the moon and stars are out
I start to get excited again
And cast away the overthinking doubt

Yeah tomorrow will be better
And I will not overthink
Tomorrow I won't get the blues
Instead, I’ll get and stay hot pink

Window painting by my niece, Gabby